It’s already 3 January in the new decade. Yes, I made some New Year’s resolutions centering around time management, but for the most part, I’ve been holding back from making resolutions for anything else. The next year just doesn’t seem clear enough yet to make resolutions. Instead I’m a couple days late in trying to unpack from last year and repack for 2010.
I don’t know what your 2009 held, but I encountered some troubling circumstances that challenged what I thought was “stout” faith. I would love to say I was completely victorious, but I’m not declaring that. I would love to say it’s been worth it all because I grew so much. But I’m not saying that. It was just a hard year. I have memories of my struggles to be victorious and memories of floundering failures. A lot of veneer was stripped off and my heart was laid bare. I am not applauding. I was not only disappointed with myself, I also came away a bit jaded about other believers and have a more clear understanding of our humanness and desperate need for the daily transforming power of Jesus.
So today I am grappling with bringing closure to 2009. The good thing is that I reached the point where I could say to God that I want to move beyond all the hurts. I want to see others clothed in his righteousness and not clothed in their failings and foibles. And yes I want to reenter my ministry not so much saturated with an awareness of the absence of God, but an awareness of striding side by side with my awesome God. And I do want to enter this decade conscious of the changes God made in my life through the trials of the last year and a deeper sense of peace that he continues to transform me not just through my successes but through difficulties and suffering.
I’ve chucked a lot of accumulated junk out of my suitcase today, and I’m ready to repack for this year. I may not yet have clarity for everything that lies ahead, but I think I’m in far better shape for the journey. How about you?