Blue Coat Hangers and Change

My thinking started with a “blue hanger.” I was helping my mother-in-law hang up the clothes from the dryer. She instructed me to put her trousers on a blue hanger. I have to admit, my immediate thought was “how ridiculous,” and then I thought to ask her “why?” She told me that the blue hangers were stonger. Simple! I’m glad I asked. While hanging up her trousers I shared with her my delight in hanging clothes on the clothes line in South Africa with color matched clothes pins. Not because they are stronger, but because I love coordinated colors! Simple! We had a good laugh together.

We all have reasons for our decisions and habits, reasons we may have completely forgotten until a disturbing disruption or someone’s strange question reminds us. The factors we consider in making those decisions vary – maybe color, practicality, speed, comfort, beauty, simplicity, historicity, family concerns, taboos and on and on!

I was acutely aware of how easy it was to disregard my mother-in-law’s desire to use a blue hanger. Color choice seemed rather a peculiar point, but strength made more sense! And my color choice for beauty probably seemed ridiculous when my husband was trying to help me hang up the wet clothes. The factors we each considered were different. I lean toward beauty and practicality while he leans completely towards practicality! The factors reflect our personalities and our values.

You know, I easily slid into using the blue hangers to help my mother-in-law, but I haven’t always been so quick to adapt to other’s ways of doing things. Some things just look ridiculous from my perspective because I’m looking through my very limited viewpoint of a few factors!

When we moved to Africa I was bombarded with so many other factors that I had rarely considered previously – community, unfailing politeness, and unbounded hospitality. I found my ways of doing things totally disrupted as I needed to incorporate these other factors into my decision making! I couldn’t just decide for myself, I had to consider my whole team! I couldn’t just speak what was “normal,” I had to carefully weigh every word and inflection! I chafed against many of the required changes at first, but eventually, I too considered many of these newly acquired factors when making decisions.

Seeing, hearing, and understanding another culture definitely exposed me to a broader array of factors to consider in making decisions. So when I consider making changes in my life now, I also need a shift in my decision making factors. Just talking out my reasoning for old ways can help me see why I’ve been stuck. Sometimes reading the Word can jog me out of old ways of thinking and challenge me with other factors I’ve ignored. And sometimes it just takes God’s revelation to clearly see factors I’ve never considered and I’m on my way to new behavior.

I’m really excited about blue hangers now. Not because they are color coordinated with my clothes, but because they remind me that I have so much to learn from others and from God. And blue hangers remind me that a shift in perspective is vital to change.

picture courtesy of photobucket

Bathroom Fiascos, Order, and God

Moving into my mother-in-law’s house has made me sharply aware of patterns of order. Now, I love order, but I’ve discovered that not every one has the same ideas about what order looks like! Just this morning, I had to use the “basin” towel to wipe down the shower since the appointed “shower” towel was not available. I tried my hardest to right my wrong before my mother-in-law’s discovery. Too late. She discovered the “basin” towel missing before I could replace it. She was totally gracious, but it did disrupt her world.

In my own flat in South Africa I also had an appointed rag to wipe down the shower. In addition I had a bath mat which I kept over the tub when not in use. Several years ago I was sorely tested as a hostess when I continually found the white bath math on the floor conveniently located for dirty shoes. After several days of repeatedly replacing the mat over the tub so it wouldn’t get dirty, my guests cleared up the confusion by explaining that having a mat on the floor in their homes was how you kept your bathroom beautiful! Conflict of order nearly did our friendship in!

These minor bathroom fiascos simply illustrate the wide variety of personal approaches to order. I’ve also discovered that it’s not good enough to have a sense of order (although some of us women might disagree with that statement). I’m learning how important it is to understand my mother-in-law’s detailed rules of order and try to accommodate as much as possible while living in her house! I try to get it right. I try to honor her as owner of her house. I don’t always succeed, but I try.

The issue of order has been nagging at me for several weeks. I overheard a shouting match between two parents outside my house while their daughter looked on, hearing the vicious cussing and name calling. I wondered how God felt about the disorder in this little family that he loved. And I questioned how God feels about disorderly conduct between believers, ministry team members, and ministers of the Gospel. How it must grieve him to see hearts sullied by insensitive comments, selfish attitudes, and careless words. His orderly world has been disrupted.

God loves order. He created a magnificent world with complex order that we are still trying to discover after centuries of scientific study! His natural laws oversee order, and he’s given us biblical truth to maintain order in relationships at every level! He is passionate about order in couples, in families, in teams, in communities, in cities, and in nations.

I might be able to argue sometimes that I have better ideas of order than my mother-in-law, but I can’t argue with God’s appointed order. It’s his house. It’s his rules. And he rules in unselfish love for each member of his household. His order is meant to benefit every person. Who can argue with that!

I have to be a learner in my mother-in-law’s house. And out of love and respect I’m in the process of adapting my own patterns to accommodate her rules of order for the kitchen, the office, the bathroom, and the refrigerator! How much more we need to constantly learn about God’s desired patterns of order and make alterations in attitudes, words, and behavior so as to accommodate his order for friendships, sexual relations, parenting, leadership, and church. So, here’s to continued learning, loving, respecting, changing, and accommodating. Let’s work to restore order in God’s house!

Too Fossilized for Change?

I’m not really a dog person, but I accidentally volunteered to feed my mother-in-law’s dogs twice a day when she was going in for surgery. And here I am again months later, now serving as the “expert” in dog feeding. One of her dachshunds is 16 years old, gray hair and all. As far back as I can remember Freddy has always yapped his sharp bark the whole time his food dish was being prepared. When I wasn’t the dog food expert I could go outside to escape. But now that dog food preparation is my job, I decided something had to be done about that yapping. But the question is, can a 16 year old dog learn new tricks? I discovered that, yes, an old dog can learn new tricks.

Well, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about flexibility and change. There are major changes in my life as we’ve uprooted from our South African home to return to the States. And instead of driving for days to visit our missionary friends we will have to be flying in across the oceans. These major changes are difficult enough, but I’ve discovered that sometimes it is much more difficult to make the smaller changes in our lives. Changing habits or the way we’ve always done things is much harder.

In moving into my mother-in-law’s house to help care for her I ran smack into my own set patterns that I was unaware of in my own home. I had well-honed patterns for meal preparation. I liked to leave the house to arrive at the exact time for church, not 30 minutes before and not late. And I allowed myself only a few minutes to prepare things before leaving. Works for me! But my patterns did not merge well with my mother-in-law’s lifestyle or needs. I needed to make some changes in how I did things but found just how decrepit and inflexible I felt. Was I too fossilized to change?

When I recognized that my inflexibility was in direct conflict with my desire to be godly and bring Him glory, my training began in earnest! The next element of training was serious prayer. And the Master Trainer took over and started putting me through my paces, including daily opportunities to make choices based on my mother-in-law’s needs rather than my own habits and desires. I’ve been able to see some of my patterns changed and I’m slowly learning “new tricks.” Just like Freddy, I’ve had days of relapses in which I just wanted to be me, or should I say “the old me.” But persistence is winning the day. I never want to get too fossilized for change. I’m so grateful that the Master Trainer is always ready to teach me “new tricks.”

Palatable Messages

There are accusations being thrown around the internet against certain Christian proponents eager to be relevant to our rapidly changing society. The accusations suggest that these leaders recommend adjusting our message in order to better reach the emerging generation of post moderns. Now, I’m pretty open to change, but I’ve been asking myself a lot of questions about this recommendation.

There is no question that we need to be more relevant and that we really miss that goal a lot of the time. But do we change our message to be more acceptable or politically correct? (Don’t attack me. I see our message being diluted everywhere!) To me the question is what can I change in order to be more relevant? This question begs serious meditation time. Of course, the safest place to go for answers is to Jesus.

If anyone could have been tempted to change his message to be more “palatable” it would have been Jesus. He received so much opposition, criticism, and hatred for his teaching. While he had crowds following him, there were many secret meetings of people to plan ways to trip him up publicly and to plot his demise. He actually changed a lot of things from the traditional ways. So what can we change? These are some of my thoughts:

1. Our Attitudes

When Jesus began his teaching ministry, the religious leaders were, frankly speaking, bigots. Their attitudes towards sinners, adulterers, publicans, Samaritans, lepers, prostitutes, and Gentiles were appalling. I see Jesus ministering with a totally different attitude. He ate with sinners and publicans, touched lepers, sat with Samaritans, ministered to prostitutes and adulterers, and healed Gentiles. His attitude enraged the religious leaders and endeared him to the needy. He never compromised holiness to love the sinners.

Not only did Jesus model godly attitudes, he spent significant discipling time in nurturing attitude change in his disciples. He addressed their bigotry, ethnocentricity, pride, and indifference to children and beggars. He took them places that made them uncomfortable and stretched their love muscles.

An American survey done among young people found “the most common perceptions of present-day Christianity are antihomosexual (an image held by 91 percent of young outsiders), judgmental (87 percent), and hypocritical (85 percent)” (Kinnaman & Lyons, p. 27). Maybe the first thing I need to consider changing is not my message but my attitudes. Would I fit into the Pharisee category, Jesus category, or the disciple category in terms of my attitude towards sinners and the needy? What needs to change?

2. Our Commitment to Truth

When Jesus appeared on the religious scene he found the Pharisees and Teachers of the Law very committed to their truth and their traditions, but when it came to making a public statement about John the Baptist they showed the real nature of their truth commitment, “If we say, ‘From heaven,’ he will ask, ‘Then why didn’t you believe him?’ But if we say, ‘From men’ – we are afraid of the people, for they all hold that John was a prophet” (Mat 21;26). I overhear their debate about what the people will think and say, thus exposing their determiner of truth - people’s possible responses! So much for commitment to truth.

In contrast, Jesus taught truth no matter who was offended or who was delighted. His message was not swayed by response, even when the disciples expressed their fear that the Pharisees were offended. His message was undiluted truth in all its sharp lines and cutting edges.

I can sit in my chair and criticize the Pharisees, but know the reality is that the Pharisaical responses go through my head also when I need to speak truth. If I say that Jesus is the Son of God will I offend my listener? If I say Jesus is the only way, will I be considered judgmental and switched off or excluded? My challenge is to be so radically committed to truth and speaking truth that God can call on me at any time, any place, to any person, and to speak any word that he directs. Truth remains undiluted truth.

3. Our Methods

It’s interesting to consider how Jesus changed methods and why. I don’t think that Jesus changed his approach because the religious leaders’ methods were outdated or irrelevant. I’d like to suggest that his methods came from the heart of the Father. Not just the how-to strategies, but the heart of the Father to touch the people. Jesus walked among the common throng. He preached in the synagogues and on the hillside and lake side. He taught in homes, at feasts, and parties. He taught in parables and stunned the people with his simplicity and authority. He healed crowds of the infirm from a home. His methods conveyed acceptance and compassion. He made himself accessible to the most common inquirer.

So, yes, I think it is valid to change methods if my changes are directed by God’s heart. There is nothing so sacred about preaching from a pulpit, or preaching in a church, or preaching from the front that we cannot lay down our traditions to use other methods that will get us with people and express acceptance and compassion to those outside of normal religious gatherings. There’s nothing so sacred about door to door evangelism or crusades that we can’t change them for other methods that are more likely to reach people where they are at. And there is nothing so sacred about teaching an hour lecture and closing in prayer that I cannot change methodologies for better dialogue and understanding.

4. Our Understanding of People

One thing that has struck me while meditating on Jesus’ teaching methods was how clearly he understood his audience – to the point that he seemed to be a mind reader. Oh, yes, he had divine ability to read minds, but I’m not sure that all of his understanding came from divine revelation. He literally walked with the crowds, and he ate at their homes. He was an astute observer of behavior and attitudes. His teaching was eerily relevant to their lifestyle. In contrast, the religious leaders seemed to be way out of sync with the people and primarily taught the Law supported by historical interpretations.

As I look at myself, I must ask how well I understand the audience to whom I am ministering. How much time do I spend walking with them and talking in their homes? Do I understand what they are thinking, what conclusions they would lean towards when hearing teaching, what burning questions they have, or what issues they are wrestling with when they are alone? And finally I have to ask, what changes should I make so that I can understand them better?

Do I need to change my message to be more relevant? I don’t think so. I think there are a lot more changes I can make to be more relevant and Christ-like in this generation – changes that can make my message more palatable without comprising truth. How about you?

Kinnaman, David. UnChristian. 2007. Baker Books.

Challenge of Structural Change

Frank stepped out of bed one morning into pools of water. To his amazement his house was flooded by a broken supply pipe to his toilet. He diligently vacuumed up the water and rewaxed his floor, but found days later that the brief flood had done its deep damage. His house needed major renovation! So for two months work crews swamped his house, tearing up flooring and removing cupboards, doors and even fixtures. He attempted to live out of his torn up house, moving from room to room as necessary. He even resorted to “bucket baths” as the plumbing was totally reworked. Well, several months later, thousands of dollars later, many bucket baths later, and many fast food meals later Frank invited us over for a look at the transformation. He had a “new” house! The new wood flooring throughout the house glowed! The bathroom was completely remodeled with modern fixtures and tiled floor and walls. And every closet and cupboard had glossy new louver doors. What a transformation and what a cost!

His story reminded me about the true costs of radical change and transformation. Jesus truly advocated for radical change in his listeners. Not just a change in life style, although that was clear, but a change in heart perspectives and motivations. He was calling on people to tear up old flooring and damaged fixtures. That to me is the most demanding change anyone could ask. It’s not demanding because I don’t want to change, because I really do. But its demanding first because I don’t quite know how to change those deep things like my inbred way of looking at things and the driving engines of my life that have been evolving and fine tuned over the years. Jesus’ truth shines dazzling light on my faulty perspectives and motives in such a way that I am convinced something must change. But, how? How do I change something that has taken decades (yes really) to formulate and solidify? In a house it is fairly easy – rip it up and replace it. How do you do that with faulty motives?

Secondly, changing heart perspectives and motivations is daunting because when I do change them I am shifting and moving foundations and structures supporting many of my patterns of thinking and behavior. Jesus is really asking me to dismantle part of my house while I’m living in it! And who knows what will be affected and what “treasures” have to be removed and tossed. I’m sure Frank would never have chosen to have his life turned up side down for several months, but in the end it was worth it. Jesus challenges me to invite the chaos that facilitates transformational change!

And lastly, making such deep dramatic changes is challenging because of the potential impact it can have on others, especially those close to me. They may actually be praying for change but might be alarmed at the change outcomes! On the other hand, they may have adapted to relating to me just the way I am and any changes I make will throw them into a chaos of confusion, “I thought I knew how to relate to this person. She’s not the same as before!” And they may actually rejoice in the new me that God creates as I am transformed like we rejoiced with Frank and his “new” house!

I am convinced that Jesus knew the inherent difficulties of change when he stood before the crowds and flung out his challenges. He is convinced of the end product of change and lovingly invites us to open up our house to major renovation. He promises to supervise the process and guarantees the outcome. I don’t know about you, but I’m signing up for radical renovation.

A Penchant for Change

I woke up one morning last week with a passion for change. I had reached saturation point with the comfortable routine of being home and working on projects. This is so typical of me. Just when I have finely tuned the rhythm of a day’s work and evening rest of Sudoku and worship, I want to race off to something new. It’s almost like I crave a certain amount of chaos in my life and chafe at sameness like a wild horse chafes at restraining fences. But I also know that by the end of a six week road trip visiting a variety of locations and engaging a multitude of individuals personally or corporately, I long for the sameness of being in my own house, setting my own time schedule, and cooking my own food. But it doesn’t take very long for that sameness to become “boredom” and I wake up again longing to dash off somewhere – any where!

My guess is that if I were to do a survey I would find that there are some others like me, but there are also many who revel in routine and chafe irritably at anything that would threaten the safety of their well established safe world. And there probably are a few who could not even tolerate a month at home with a comfortable rhythm of work and rest. And God has created all of us in his image!

Maybe the question becomes how to effectively harness the internal drive for sameness or change in the way God intends so that it accomplishes what he desires in our world. The drive for sameness can provide stability and safety, especially when it is expressed through loving attitudes and godly principles. The drive for change is vital in producing growth and molding a person, family, organization or community to closer alignment to God’s truth. I propose that without the drive for change or passion for sameness we will not be the salt God intended us to be in our world.

However, as is normal, the difference in our internal drives towards sameness or change, can produce interpersonal tension and conflict. For example my passion to dash off anywhere for a change clashes with my husband’s internal drive to create stability and safety while we are home. And my drive to make modifications in current ministry can be a downright menace to fellow workers who are devoted to creating lasting solutions. My desire for change can threaten to rock their world.

May I suggest that this ongoing tension between stability and change is part of God’s built in plan to keep us growing and effective in our world. Sin by nature creates chaos. Well established laws and well executed biblical guidelines provide the means of calming the chaotic storm and restoring families and communities to safety and security of loving relationships based on his Word. But it takes individuals driven by passion for change to head into the storm and advocate for change in the face of opposition and criticism.

We are made in God’s image to accomplish God’s purposes in His world. Whether we have a penchant for change or a passion for stability, God has a role for each of us to play. Yielded in his hand and making room for each other, we should together press on to see His Kingdom come in the places he’s put us.